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10/12/05 9:30 PM ~ Luke  Mood_horny <‡> Ear Input_crystal method <‡> Plotting_sexin We’re back like a possum slap to the face suckas. My apologies on the staggering lack of posts. We’re redesigning lukesdomain, expect a new design to be up in a few weeks. But enough about that, I know you’re not here to see excuses. You’re here for splooge in a pile excitement, now with super nonoxynol-9 action. LD Productions will hereon be known as pirate_house productions. So what’s this gonna mean for you? Well…nothing, goto hell.  However, we have released our flagship production for your viewing pleasure. Here’s the synopsis: our neighbor joe made the unfashionable decision to drink way too much and pass out on a couch in the pirate_house (i.e. my house). Any other night and this would have been no big deal, however, this night was the quintessential example of bad timing. What joe didn’t realize was that the unyielding force of ryry was about to unleash all over his punk ass. Now we love joe, but we also love a good video. After a merriment of abuse sponsored by bologna, ryry moved into the age old tradition of antiquing. Don’t know about antiquing? Good, watch the video. Download our premiere release, “powder” right here (right-click, save target as…), or goto pirate_house productions. I leave this up to you, please tip your waitress.Ok then, if you’re still here I applaud your diligence. Now, onto the rest of the post. We’re livin in Grand Rapids and takin this town like we’re on whore island. The combined efforts of myself, Nate, and Miles has led to many a shenanigan. After the new design is released, you can expect posts a plenty. The new house is great, we have a pirate flag flying on the roof, a stolen church pew kickin out the porch, and half a hammock swingin in the breeze. With the recently released plans of our patented double-decker couch system, you can pretty much assume we’re the greatest people in history. Words are cheap, especially yours. So here’s a bunch of pics from what we’ve already accomplished….which is pretty much dick.
Our house is pretty much the greatest place on earth. Besides, we’ve got more 18 year old chicks than rehab, so don’t hesitate in stumbling to our doorstep. I know everybody’s happier than Hitler at a barbeque, but don’t blow a kidney….the new page won’t be up for a few weeks. The important thing is I’m back in Michigan, and I’ve got a lot of free time. Free entertainment for all……send money. 08/31/05 12:20 AM ~ Luke Mood_bitter <‡> Ear Input_niles <‡> Plotting_food Ahhhhhh, um. This is an august post. Go team 07/31/05 10:46 PM ~ Luke Mood_full <‡> Ear Input_aqua teen <‡> Plotting_sleep Uggg...ok, this has got to stop. Over the last several days the temperatures in Chicago have ranged  from 94 to 104 degrees. In addition, my soon to be ex-job requires me to drive around in a mobile oven/coffin. The overall effect is me wishing for angry herpes and a giant stamp on my wrist that states: unemployed. Annnnnnnnd SEGWAY! Take a look at this picture, it looks pretty normal. Click on it and take a closer look. Notice anything, no? Well, keep looking. In short, the my entire goal for last night was to be as drunk as that guy. Did Luke get smashed last night? Find out next at Luke's Domain.That was gay, and if you think I stayed sober you're gay too. So please allow me to shout out a preemptive, "FAG!" Yes, it's true, Luke got drunk. And rather than write a long winded account of all the night's transactions, please refer to the following report... Things I did last night: 1) Drank a lot 2) Fell down 3) Launched a shoe off my foot into some girl's face 4) Got hit on by the world's fattest black woman 5) Drove drunk 6) Passed out on the infamous "cat piss couch" Things I didn't do last night: 7) Pay my tab 8) Get laid(see article 3) 9) Go to jail Speaking of drunk driving, I stumbled across some old footage of Steve and I driving drunk last winter down the back roads of Cadillac. So, naturally, it's the latest clip of the week. To download it click here (right-click, save target as.) Some brief back story, we decided to get drunk at like 11am on a Sunday over Christmas break. The only logical thing to do would be drive into town and get some god damn G&D's. The return trip sponsored a phone call with Manda in which we analyzed her tits, she agreed with our hypothesis, then we drove into the ditch. After we ate our pizza and ran out of beer we called Papa Lewis for help. And everyone lived happily ever after.
You'd think these escapades would have taught me a lesson, and they did indeed. Pizza in a ditch is still good, especially when you're drunk. Go team go....go to drunk dials that is. Later ya'll... 07/10/05 7:55 PM ~ Luke Mood_ragga <‡> Ear Input_mushroomhead <‡> Plotting_family guy Are you ready? Ok....ok, now?  And....go. In one month's time I'll be moving back to, "The Michigan." That's right folks, the empire will be returning home and portaging from Chicago to Grand Rapids. Now I'm sure you're all as excited as a foreign baby in a basket but please remember, jizz does inhibit keyboard performance. Now then, please wipe down your flaccid, quivering penis and turn your attention to the following undisputable facts. Nate, esteemed member of dCrew and lover to the masses, will be one of my roommates. *swoon* With the help of titan mercenary Miles, aka queen bee, and by the power of the Flying Spaghetti Monster this will be the greatest house in the history of houses full of Luke, Nate, and Miles. Yeah, we set the bar pretty high.In local news it was recently discovered that I hate all of these people. However, with the  aid of our centerpiece I find myself able to put up with such adversity. I also find myself covered in second degree burns. I actually spent a good chunk of yesterday tearing a good chunk of yesterday's yesterday2 shenanigans off my side......I ripped dead skin off my side. To elaborate a long story into one run-on sentence: while tubing the Manistee River I found resistance to conventional drinking methods and resorted to more superficial pursuits (ie beer bonging liquor) and met the desired result of sloppy drunkenness, blacking out, and finally passing out in my tube at the mercy of the river not to mention the sun. From what I remember it was a damn good time, and now I have enough dead skin shavings to fill a dainty litter box. Somebody's cat will be happy, YOU'RE SCREWED!!! (that will be properly received by two people, not quite sure why it made it into the post.)Well, I'm sure that you're all tired of this so I'll wrap it up with what we all came here to see. Detroit Dan...oh yes.  I feel it's the right time to unleash the full power of the trilogy. If you honestly don't know who Detroit Dan is by now, kill yourself. Or go to LD Productions, then kill yourself. Whatever you do, watch this first. Ladies and Gentlemen, Detroit Dan Episode III (right-click, save target as...) Once again it's time to spread the disease that is Detroit Dan. And if that weren't enough we've got new drunk dials and new aim convos. I know I can't take any more, so that'll have to do. Go now, cause I'm done.06/23/05 9:12 PM ~ Luke Mood_post post slumber <‡> Ear Input_simpsons <‡> Plotting_payday Ok, I understand that its been awhile. However, before you cast your stones of inconsequential crucifixion take the following into consideration....fuck off. You're all probably right though, so I'm offering the following acts of contrition. This post will be dedicated to the ripping on of yours truly. Happy now? No, well what if I told you Detroit Dan Episode III is done and will be available next post. Truth be told its been done for months, but I digress....fuck off. Onwards.... On one of my frequent quests to the land of beer and bitches (aka michigan) I ended up in Lansing for a weekend of drinking and.....well, um...drinking. Now generally when you think Luke you think bottomless vat of alcoholic beverage storage facility,  hopefully
you worded it better. Anywho, given my current lifestyle of constant work
and/or masturbation I don't find much time for my vice. Subsequently the
days of beer bonging vodka are a distant memory, and my tolerance for
alcohol has dropped dramatically. But guess who's tolerances are healthier
than ever; enter Steve, Lee, and Trevo. Coupled with the fact that I'd
worked all morning, drove to michigan, and had yet to eat....I didn't
even stand a chance. Enough talk, let's see the night Steve entitled "Luke
Night #345."
Well that was fun wasn't it? Just in case you weren't satisfied the
ever present vigil of Steve provided video documentation of the night's
transactions. And you can view it right
here (right click, save target as...) Who knows, you might even wander
over to the COTW section
and suckle from the sweet tit of archival wonderment. It's been awhile
so here's some new drunk
dials and aim convos. 04/08/05 9:12 PM ~ Luke Mood_rahhh <‡> Ear Input_wumpscut <‡> Plotting_beer Well screw off, I'm a busy guy. But enough of that. It's time for the grand finale in SOME REALLY DUMB FUCKS AND THEIR HORRIBLE LITERARY SKILLS. Go team... According to Aaron Goldberg, Microsoft is on a slowly but surely downhill side of the cycle that their key platform product the engine that drives the firm, is hitting the end of its cycle. Goldberg, states that this isn't some rash statement to just stir up commotion, or to provoke letters to the editor, but rather, the outcome of thoughtful consideration of the current industry trends, and the consistent historical fact that 15 to 20 year "reigns" for dominate platorms is a hallmark of our industry. Goldberg feels that there are three key reasons why Microsoft is in trouble. First, the issue in computing has moved from adding hundreds of features to products, to simplifying the cost of operation and management. Second, a viable competitor is gathering itself in the form of Linux/Open Source. Third Microsoft has gotten the same disease IBM had in the mid '80's, it's called falling off. The author remembers a would before Microsoft where their also was complete dominance is the technology industry. It was during the consideration of the long cycles of our technology business, when it came clear that it's the beginning of the end for Microsoft. So what about Microsoft?Plagerism, thy name is Maurice. Just a hint, but you usually don't include the article you're reviewing in your paper; much less include it as "original" work. However, hands down my favorite part was, "I disagree with this article for many reason that I will soon discuss".......ok here we go. Wow, yeah. This is long enough, and this concludes our series on SOME REALLY DUMB FUCKS AND THEIR HORRIBLE LITERARY SKILLS. 03/31/05 2:02 PM ~ Nate  Mood_chipper <‡> Ear Input_canibus <‡> Plotting_painting What's the deal douche ponds, throughout the course of attempting to quit smoking I've come to several conclusions (observations, witty quips, etc.) about life trying to get away from cancer sticks. And since Luke threatened to tie me up in an abandoned drainage pipe and cattle prod me if I didnt post soon, I figured I'd share. +First off, when you see me lighting up, God help your soul if you interfere, I'll gnaw your fucking leg off. +Telling me how bad smoking is does not mean anything to someone who smokes a pack a day. Smoking is fan-fucking-tastic, those who knock it are those who have clearly never smoked a cigarette in their life and therefore have no point of reference. Cram it with walnuts billy. +Bad days + nicotene withdrawal = mangled babies everywhere. +Going "hey I thought you quit" is not only a stupid comment being that I'm currently lighting up a smoke, but a terrific way to get punched in the face repeatedly. Try it sometime and you'll agree (now with 10% more kidney shots!). +Significant others, chances are if you bring up the "smoking or me" ultimatum, you just asked for a one way ticket to barhopping triyng to pick up a drunk skanky rebound fuck. Cigarettes dont bitch when you dont spend enough time with them. Oh there's more but they'll come at a later date, in the mean time have a wonderful day and die of ghonorrea. Peace, love, and camel lights 03/10/05 4:43 PM ~ Luke Mood_blah <‡> Ear Input_cops <‡> Plotting_work Uhhh, nothing spectacular to report other than that the new Detroit Dan is finished. I'll be posting it early next week, once spring break is finished. So this is all you'll be getting, the next installment in SOME REALLY DUMB FUCKS AND THEIR HORRIBLE LITERARY SKILLS... Out of the three is the most successful because of the location of there company. They reside in the sunny California area on the map, home to the who's who in the biggest state on the map. So of course with the way society is with every car has to have 24 inch rims and atomic bomb speakers blasting that a corporation like 310 would have any problem getting business. It also has been around longer so more celebrities are customers to the place. They do jobs for many big name NBA, NFL, and also movie stars having there cars feature in music videos, and movies. It is rumored that they have just signed a deal to create cars for some race car drivers. So you can just call them the veterans of the game.Well then, there you go. This isn't as impressive as the others. Obviously the best is yet to come, the big finish coming next time. 03/01/05 7:25 PM ~ Luke Mood_productive <‡> Ear Input_random tv <‡> Plotting_video You know, a thought about this situation occurs to me. How in the hell did these two guys make it through English 101? Wait...how did they even make it out of the womb? As much as really stupid people like this make my day better, it still really annoys me when society lubes up its dildo before ramming it into their asses. I promise you that growing up these two played on the soccer teams where everybody got a trophy, including the losers. There is no feasible way either of these guys passed 101...rahhhhh. Stop holding their hands, and fail them. Or just wait until they get out into the real world and see how far linguistics like this will take them, oh I don't know, say in the work place. BONIFIED TANGENT...I just witnessed a commercial for the new IPEX by Victoria's Secret, boobs are great...BACK TO THE RANT Uhhh, uhhh, where was I? Oh right, damnit they're retarded. Either fail them or shoot them, no, gas them, wait better yet, run their heads over with the tires from a pickup truck after they've been stabbed. Oh wait, Cadillac already did that...haha, he died. Anyway, onwards to the second installment in SOME REALLY DUMB FUCKS AND THEIR HORRIBLE LITERARY SKILLS... West coast customs is the one car company that I could feel, or disagree with because there work on some of there vehicles are uncalled for. Some things you just don't put in cars, I think they have crossed the line with some of the work they do. Installing fish tanks and Iron's in the trunk is what kids would say today is weak. Don't get me wrong they do some pretty nice work there TV show hosted by rapper Xzibit pimp my ride is ok, but for the most part No. Ok, I admit it. This paper isn't nearly as bad as the first. But it's still just fucking awful. Apparently 'in' belongs to Iron, and I can honestly say I'm jealous. I've always wanted an 'in' of my own, not to mention a badass name like Iron. Now batting, Iron Jack Johnson. *crowd roars* I'm pretty sure you get theme music by default with a name like that. THE FINAL SENTENCE...I'd estimate I've moved 27 feet today...maybe. |
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